The Words from My Father That Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - going on a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."