The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.
Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.
Below is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.
The Letter A
Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!
B
Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.
Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)
The Letter C
Chair theory – This means going for someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.
Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.
Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.
The Letter D
Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.
The Letter E
Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.
F
Signals
- Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
- Green flags – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
- Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …
Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).
G
Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.
Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.
Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.
Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.
H
Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.
Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?
I
Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of interest.
“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.
The Letter J
Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.
K
Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.
Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {
